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This first article was intended to be another topic that was already prepared but we will save that for another day because today's topic I feel is a far more important step into opening the box with pandora.
Today we discuss help.
A simple four letter word with good intentions and a whole box full of complexities, nuances and misunderstanding.
When I think of the word help it sounds simple, you know, helping someone, doing something to assist, lighten the load... That's the general interpreted meaning of the word.
When it comes to action however is where things become so complex and completely out of control. I have heard some hectic stories and had some bizarre experiences myself.
You are walking in a shopping mall and someone drops their keys, you notice but the key owner doesn't, so you help, you run up to them, keys in hand and return the keys... Simple right? You notice help is needed and you provide that help preemptively before anyone even realised that help was needed. It was a gesture of good faith, you made the effort to go the direction the person was walking, catch up to them and help them realise they lost something whilst simultaneously returning them, no expectations, just a happy to help and continue on your merry way!
There is a person sitting outside, it's raining and cold and they don't have a jersey. This person is obviously shivering and has no means to keep warm. People walk and drive past and pretend not to notice.... Now let's imagine this person is an attractive young woman, she's waiting for a lift, you are a man or woman and find this woman attractive and interesting so you offer her your coat and use this gesture of 'help' to start a conversation and gather information about her... Is this still help?
Okay so now you go to church, you are in a desperate situation you have no food at home to feed your children, your husband has passed away and as a stay at home mother you had no work so you ended up losing your home. At church you confide your troubles and you are surrounded by support and people willing to give you food, help find shelter and clothes and get you back on your feet... But... You notice that now there is an unsaid expectation that you have to come to church every week and be baptised even though you are still learning about faith and unsure of what to expect. You also noticed that if your clothes look a certain way it gets frowned upon and if for whatever reason you cannot help at the church the help starts to dwindle and people start to treat you differently.... This scenario can apply to a group of friends. To family, work, any situation not just church - is this actually help or is this a transaction?
So many people claim to help and then find fault because help comes in the form of a silent contract with strings attached and the recipient is not informed of the terms or that there are conditions to the help. This is not true help.
I find this so wrong and so disturbing in this day and age that people struggle to see what they are doing.
This is preying on someone who is helpless like a vulture. You are dangling a bottle of water above someone's head that is dying of thirst but only prepared to give them that water if they walk the route you want them to take and carry your baggage for you otherwise you are prepared to walk away with water in hand and let them die of thirst.
In life we sometimes confuse control for help, manipulation for help, transactions as help.
True help does not have expectations, true help does not want anything in return and true help won't tell you you need to eat when you are dying of dehydration, help will ask you what you need or see that you need water and give you water and let you continue on your path.
So many kind hearts turn cold because help either walked away, never came or came with invisible strings attached.
Help is a silent gesture of good will it does not need recognition or repayment. If you are choose to help someone in their journey, remember their journey is not yours to own or dictate. We all have our own paths to walk, some of us stumble. Some of us sprint. You don't need to make it harder for those already struggling just because you can't understand why someone who stumbles can't sprint.